Center of the Universe Too: A Look at Life From the Lighter Side by Bill Johnson

Author:Bill Johnson [Johnson, Bill]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Religion, Christian Life, Inspirational, Christianity, Pentecostal & Charismatic
ISBN: 9780768485752
Google: joqR2tHAYlsC
Amazon: B00C8WS50A
Barnesnoble: B00C8WS50A
Goodreads: 18931340
Publisher: Destiny Image
Published: 2013-04-16T00:00:00+00:00

BRACES AND SOCIALISM

After twenty-five years of procrastination, I finally did it. I took the big plunge, made the long-term commitment, and basically sold myself into slavery. I got braces. Yuck!

Parents, if you’ve never had them and have required your children to wear them, you’ve made a good choice. But the kids deserve medals.

Imagine having the Thigh Master (as advertised on TV for slimming thighs) compressed and then attached to the lips to open them so that the blades of a helicopter would not touch the cheeks, should the doctor want to take his family on a Molar Heli-tour. That’s the position I was in for about as along as it takes Christmas to come for a child.

The dentist’s assistant knew she had a wild one on her hands. I believe chicken is the old name for my type. She was as gentle as she would be if her salary was entirely derived from tips. She asked over and over if she was hurting me. How did she know about me? It makes me wonder if dentists have a hotline—“Oh, you have Johnson? He’s a baby! Treat him nice or he won’t return till the pain of rotting teeth brings him back.”

I was worse when I was young. My parents refused to let me know when my next appointment was—I would complain and carry on for days leading up to D-Day. Therefore, I didn’t find out until the day of the appointment; perhaps on the way to school (or so I thought), they would take a wrong turn, and I knew I’d been had. And that was in high school!

Now I’m an adult, making responsible decisions. And I chose pain. Weight lifting brings pain, computers bring pain, and now braces. That’s because the new me is tough. Still a chicken, but tough. (A tough old bird?)

The responses of people to my mouthful of metal are interesting. One of the first to see me wanted to know why I was messing around with what God gave me. After some time I thought that maybe teeth are like cards. You get dealt a hand, and sometimes you rearrange them to your liking. I’m just a slow card player.

Soon afterward I met someone who thought I was having a midlife crisis. After all, I was 40-something. Hmm…could be. I work out with weights and watch what I eat. I don’t have the sports car yet. But I hope it’s soon.

Midlife crisis is not a funny subject for many. Numerous books have been written to help those who struggle with this sickness. It somehow comes upon men aged from 30 to about 60, mysteriously showing up, and mysteriously leaving. It usually causes a man to feel insecure about his achievements, or lack of them, and look for conquests to make him feel young again. Somehow looking for another woman is consistently at the heart of the man in such a crisis, which makes me wonder if perhaps the guy who made up the term might not have been a person needing a fancy-sounding name to excuse his lust.

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